The Story So Far

Kind of an auspicious occasion. My first week without a chemo treatment. I’ve been laying low and taking it easy, trying to recover from the “normal” side effects that I’ve had over the last 12 weeks. Now, I’m just hoping that the more significant side effects go away as well.

The skin on my hands and feet are still pretty much like crepe paper. I’ve got old man hair, that’s for sure. It’s very fine and I can’t do anything with it. Let’s be honest. It’s not like I really did anything before with my hair, but that’s definitely not an option now. I think the worst part is that during a meeting today, I caught myself on camera from the back. Yeah… that bald spot is starting to become a crop circle. I always claimed that I would shave my head if I went bald. If my hair doesn’t get its act together we’re having a come to Gillette meeting in the very near future.

I was asked a few days ago what I was going to do this week, now that I don’t have a chemo infusion. “Go to work, I guess” was my response. It still is my response. I’ve been fortunate that after the first couple of stumbles I’ve been able to work while going through chemotherapy. I’m not going to say that it’s been easy, not by any stretch of the imagination, but I’ve been able to work. I know too many other folks that have not been able to work while going through chemo to consider myself anything but fortunate.

I will ask you to do something these upcoming Thursdays. Whatever your favorite variety of cancer is, wear a shirt, an outfit, a ribbon, a something of the supporting color. If anyone asks why you’re wearing Pink, tell them it’s for Breast Cancer awareness. If you’re not sure what color corresponds with a particular type of cancer, below is a list of the most common cancer types:

• Lung cancer: white
• Brain cancer: grey
• Breast cancer: pink
• Liver cancer: emerald green
• Lymphoma: lime green
• Prostate cancer: light blue
• Stomach cancer: periwinkle blue
• Bone cancer: yellow
• Leukemia: orange
• Colon cancer: dark blue

If you’re curious, I’ll be wearing a pink shirt on Thursday. I have been for many years now for Breast Cancer Awareness and there is no reason to change now. There have been too many women that have had a significant impact in my life that have been effected by and succumbed to Breast Cancer for me to do anything less.

I faced Day Eleven with a good bit of trepidation. Let’s be honest, no one looks forward to their chemotherapy infusion. That statement is right up there with “water is wet”. Had some good things going for me. My oncologist pulled back the Oxaliplatin for my last two infusions. The numbness in my feet and hands has been causing problems. Since nerve damage is a side effect; cutting it out isn’t a bad thing. The other big side effect is cold sensitivity, so not having that is a good thing. I mean, it’s summer. It’s hot. I’d like something cold to drink.

On the flip side; we were meeting with the Oncologist and trying to find out what our next steps will be. That’s a bit easier said than done, even at this point. I was more than a little nervous and what we’d be told. More chemo? Other treatments? The unknown was weighing heavy going into that appointment.

I’d like to take a break from our regular scheduled programming and bring you this public service announcement. There isn’t a delicate way to have this conversation, but we’ll try. Get your pictures taken. Do your hair, brush your teeth, relax and smile. Not much more that you can do. There are other … less invasive ways to get screened for colon cancer. Isn’t technology wonderful? Any way you do it, get checked out. Trust me, you’re not too young. Now you know and well… You know the rest.

I’ve got one more Chemo infusion to get through. After that, there’s going to be a pause of about six weeks. Over the next few months, there’s at least one CT scan in my immediate future as well as a colonoscopy. Oh, I’m getting the pictures this time. After all, I need something to include with the Christmas cards, fight? Holding out hope that the CT and colonoscopy don’t show up anything; I’ll be repeating both of those every year for the next couple of years.

I crossed a milestone. At my desk, I have a white board that one of the many things I use it for is to track where I’m going. If I’m going on vacation, I write the dates in green. If I have to travel for work, I write the city and dates in blue. For my chemo appointments, I wrote the dates in orange. It helps me keep track of what I have going on and is a quick an easy way to for me to see if I’m going to be around for meetings and other things in the office. Why did I pick these colors, you ask? Because they match the colors that I use in my planner.

Of course they match the colors in my planner. We’ve met, right?

This week I crossed off the last date of my chemo appointments and wiped that section of my whiteboard clean as new fallen snow. A nice way to mark a milestone.

This week hasn’t been too bad. I’ve noticed that the skin on the back of my hands is starting to look like an old person’s. It’s all crepe papery and thin. My knuckles and webbing between my fingers has started to chap. All the lotions and creams that I’ve tried don’t help. The neuropathy in my feet hasn’t gotten much, if any better. I do notice that it’s worse in the mornings when I first get up. This portion of my triathlon is coming to a close. Now I just have to finish the swim and the bicycle race.

Finished up week ten. Only two more sessions until I’m done with chemo. At least that’s what I’ve been promised by my Oncologist. It seems like it say that every week was a tough week. Here’s a hint; they’ve all been tough in their own way.

In my defense most of this was my own doing. I did something pretty dumb. Well, I had agreed to it when I was feeling better, I just had to fulfill those promises when I was not so ship shape. So, I went out of town for work. Spent the week out in San Diego. I know poor me. The weather was horrible, 70 degrees and sunshine. What was bad was getting from here to there and back again. Travelling coast to coast is hard enough when I’m on my game. When I’m not feeling great, it sucks. I realized something important that week though. I don’t snap back like I used too. It’s a little harder to get up in the morning when I’ve been flying and running through airports.

Lessons were learned, that’s the important part. Every time I learn a little bit more of what I’m capable of and what my limits are. Here’s a hint; I’ve been finding out that my limits are a good bit closer to home than I always imagine.

A less than restful week leading up to Chemo left a little to be desired. I was whacked. I was down. It was a tough week. Thankfully, my God was looking out for me. He didn’t take my pain or neuropathy away. He didn’t take my symptoms away. What he did was nourish my soul and feed my spirit. Thursday night, I was struggling to eat some cold cereal for lunch. Not that I was hungry, but because I knew I needed to eat. My feet were really a problem. If they didn’t hurt from the nerve pain, then they were cold and hurt from the cold sensitivity pain that I’ve had. Either way, my feet would alternate between burning pain and numbness pain.

God sent a good friend and brother in Christ, Doug, that we haven’t seen in a long time. Doug and his family moved a few years back due to work, and I’ve missed my brother in Christ. His visit was just what I needed that evening.  He just happened to be in town for work. He just happened to be nearby and stop. He just happened to hear God’s whisper that stopping by was a good idea. I can’t explain how much better I felt. Some time catching up with an old friend; spending it in the Word and I was a new man. It buoyed my spirits and I was able to finish up my week on a high note. The pain was still there; I still couldn’t hold or touch anything colder than room temperature, but God knew just what I really needed and delivered it right on time.

There is truly no “just happened” or coincidence when God is involved. He cares for us in the ways that we don’t even know that we need.

 

Finished up Chemo week #6. Made it to the 50 yard line. Halfway there. As exciting as that is, it was a tough week. I had a lot of pain this week. The neuropathy in my hand was still bothering me. With the sore throat and mouth sores, I just didn’t feel like eating some days. When I did, it was because I knew I needed to, not because I was hungry or really wanted to eat. Add in some other things going on that have been taking me a while to wrap my head around; I’ll admit, I was in a craptastic mood most of the week.

Chemo itself was a mixed bag. On the plus side, I had luxury accommodations. A nice private room, with get this. A hospital bed to relax in. No beat up hospital recline for me this week. I was living large. Since the Doctor cut out my Oxalplatin for another week, I was expecting a nice and short appointment. Nope. Apparently, someone previously had the Leucovorin over 30 minutes (like I just had last time) and was complaining about his skin itching. Now, I’m not a doctor, but Leucovorin is similar to folic acid, a B vitamin. Hmm. Large dose of a B vitamin. Itchy, burning skin. If I was asked my expert medical opinion, I would give the poor person a large glass of water to help with the flushing. Strangely enough, they didn’t ask me. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to poke fun or minimize anyone’s chemotherapy. This IS my blog, and it’s all about me.

Even though I handled it just fine last time, I was on the slow train of chemo. Because one person (who was not me) had an issue earlier (even though I didn’t). So, I took advantage of the hospital bed and had a nice, long nap. Since, we didn’t have lunch before chemo, I treated my Mom to Smash Burger. Love that place. It’s starting to become my go to for a good burger and fries when I’m having a less than stellar day.

Wrapped up Chemo Day #5. Went into it with a lot of the side effects from the last treatment still bothering me. The neuropathy in my right hand and arm were pretty prevalent. Not to mention starting to get some tingling in my feet. This stupid sore throat wasn’t any better walking into chemo either.

The Oncologist decided to cut back one of my chemo drugs, Oxaliplatin, as it is the primary culprit to the symptoms that I’ve been having. We’ll have to see if cutting this out lessens the effects this upcoming week or not. This is getting old.

On a lighter note, I got my old infusion station back. The one looking right down the hallway. Last time I did my best Jeff Goldberg. This time, I figured why bother just being eye candy. I was born to be a front man. Lucky for me they happened to have a house band, The Bad Decisions. Took me a bit, but we hooked up some smoke and laser lights and we were able to jam out a couple of songs.

I started with an old favorite. The optional third verse to the Air Force Hymn. It’s, of course, dedicated to all the missileers that I’ve known. Hey. If Garth can have an optional third verse, so can I.

Lord be with those under the ground;
Watching TV and sitting around.
Pushing buttons, turning keys, Lord help their hands move with ease.

Then I broke out something of a new classic. Simon. Garfunkle. Disturbed. We all have one thing in common. We just want Creamer for our coffee in the morning.

Hello creamer, my old friend
It’s time for coffee once again.
You make my coffee taste so good.
Call you nectar of the goods I would.

Your words of nutrition
Are written in a tiny font
On your back.

You give taste. To coffee.

Unfortunately, I had to deprive the screaming masses an encore. Always leave them wanting more. Without having to wait for the Oxaliplatin, my treatment was over in just under an hour. The upside was that we were able to hit up Smash Burger for lunch. In other words. Lunch was fantastic… My chemo nap was just as good.